Living Through 100 Days
by shipperscifi
Summary: Alternative Universe version of 100 Days. NOTE: Sam leaves the military in this, frankly cos she had better prospects than Jack, and I couldn't have either of them destitute now could I?
1. Chapter 1

The 'Gate shuddered, it's metallic anchors shrieking under the stress. Dirt and stones flew through the wormhole, pelting the crowds of refugees inside as they ran down the gangway to the receiving arms of the soldiers below. Daniel and Grayson stood, bathed in the flickering blue light, as they aided more Edorans through the 'Gate and to the safety of the SGC.

'C'mon, c'mon!' Daniel muttered, wondering where the hell the rest of his team was. Another meteorite must have slammed into the 'Gate from the other side, because the whole structure shivered under the impact and the event horizon stuttered, threatening the lives of those still in transit. Daniel crouched, shielding his head automatically, ready to run. Across the other side of the gangway, he saw Grayson do the same, and as two more refugees tottered through, one collapsing directly into Daniel's ready arms, they exchanged a momentary glance that said it all - the fear, the worry, the desperate hope that their comrades would still make it through.

Another shriek from the moorings, another shower of rocks and earth. A voice rang out, ordering them to clear the 'Gate. Daniel and Grayson backed up, Jackson's eyes fixed firmly on the place they would emerge, _if_ they came through. He mentally struck off the word, _when, when!_

On the other side of the 'Gate, T'ealc shoved through the last of the refugees, turning back to catch her gaze, frowning as she yelled into her radio, calling for the Colonel, the last of the SGC personnel, trapped back in the village, evacuating the last of the refugees.

'Colonel! Please respond!'

A ripping roar reached her ears, louder and harsher than the any that had come before. A blast wave travelled across the landscape, fading into a strong wind that tore at her hair. Blue eyes widened, shock coursing through her system, she barely noticed as T'ealc grabbed her jacket, spinning her round as they ran for the 'Gate, diving through the shimmering, stuttering horizon in the vain hope that it would hold just long enough for them to make it through.

In the Gateroom, the noise was awful, the refugees crouched in fear as the whine built. They almost lost the connection - once, twice. And then, a figure, two, a blur of black and green as T'ealc and Sam emerged, thrown through the wormhole like ragdolls and crashed into the bottom of the ramp in the midst of debris, flying through the Gateroom and pelting the crowd below. Daniel and Grayson ran forward, dragging T'ealc and Sam to safety as the 'Gate, empty at last, towered silently above them.

It would be twenty-four hours before they realised the full extent of the meteor storm.

'Try again!' her voice, loud and forceful, hit the control room like a blast of cold air. Carter was far less mild-mannered than most people believed her, and she proved it now, shunting aside the lieutenant at the controls and altering the parameters of the algorithm that dialled up other worlds. Bandaged, bruised and so tired, her irritability was beginning to show through the thin veneer of courtesy she was trying to maintain, Sam typed furiously, ignoring the dialling protocols manual that was offered to her. She wrote the damn thing, it wasn't on paper, it was in her head. The entire 'Gate, it's dialling computer and it's systems were all inside her head.

So many possibilities, so many potential rewrites she could do, so many parameters that needed testing - it could drive you crazy at times.

Chevron six engaged, and the 'Gate spun on, seeking the last co-ordinate, locking into it and establishing a wormhole. She breathed a sigh of internal relief, the meteor strike at the other end had obviously caused a lot of damage, she could see at least a fortnight of work looming ahead of her, and Siler.

The MALP activated, trundling up the gangway and through the event horizon. 'Receiving telemetry in...' Nothing. Static. The MALP refused to respond, nothing could be seen, or heard through it's sensors and although they activated the radio signal for SG-1 radio wavelength, they received nothing but static in reply.

Sam closed her eyes, dropping her head for a moment. She's already spent a whole day getting this far, and it was more than a little disheartening to see and hear nothing but static. She only had one explanation.

'The MALP must have been destroyed, Sir. The most likely scenario is that the 'Gate is buried on Edora. I'm guessing the MALP never even reconstituted on the other side.'

'Very well. Until you can give me a way to re-establish contact and determine that the area on the other side of the wormhole is safe to send through a team, the rescue mission is scrubbed.'

'Yessir,' a hand, Daniel, she knew without looking, landed on her shoulder, squeezing gently.

'Doctor Fraiser, please inform the Edorans they will be with us a while longer and make arrangements for their medium-term stay here.'

'Yes, sir,' she glanced over at Sam, 'Dr Carter, please report to the infirmary when you are finished here.' Her tone left no room for arguments, nodding to the General before leaving the control room.

Arms crossed, features drawn into a frown, Carter was staring stubbornly at the empty 'Gate, which just as stubbornly refused to hand back the Colonel. In this particular battle of wills, Sam decided she wasn't going to be the loser.

Behind her Jackson squeezed her shoulder again, 'c'mon Sam, I'll walk you to the infirmary.' She still had a pronounced limp. Leaving Siler to start analysing the telemetry for the slightest hint of a clue as to what had gone wrong with the M.A.L.P, Daniel followed her from the room, little realising her head was already spinning with potential ideas and scenarios, winnowing out the most likely from the far-fetched and the absurdly simple.

 _Never leave a man behind._

Damn straight.


	2. Chapter 2

Another flick of the wrist, another stone. _Score four for the great Colonel Jack O'Neill!_ The stone sank and he skipped another, missing the strike and watching it 'plop' into the water with a depressing finality.

He should teach Daniel to skip stones. Jackson had disturbing lack of dexterity at times, especially for an archaeologist, used to handling fragile artifacts.

T's dexterity was a little different, fast and swift, he handled weapons well, but a man with hands like T, hands that could probably crush rocks, would probably need a large brick to skip. Give him a stone, it'd get lost in his hands

Not so Carter, small hands, delicate, long fingered, warm... He shoved the memory away and cursed himself, silently, the Edorans were nice people, but swearing wasn't really in their vocabulary, and he didn't want to startle any nearby natives.

'Jack?'

Her voice stopped him, and the last stone he'd thrown skipped one more time before sinking below the surface of the river. Unlike Carter, hell, unlike Daniel, Jack admitted when he needed time off, and a week of digging in the fields before digging at the Stargate's old location whilst the others headed off for their evening meal was starting to wear him down.

Okay, wear his knees down, but without Frasier on standby with a stockpile of anti-inflammatories and painkillers, he had to be careful. Pace himself.

'What can I help you with, Laira?'

'Actually, I was hoping more to help you. You work hard Jack, everyone is very grateful for your help, but we worry, _I_ worry. You speak to no-one, you do not join us at meals. The few times you are not working, you are by yourself. This is not good for anyone.'

'I'm doin' just fine, Laira. Thanks for the concern.' He didn't turn around, he wanted to be left alone. His whole world, his team was on the other side of the galaxy, or may as well be, for all the luck he would have had reaching them. He worked more than his share, he thought that entitled him to spend his downtime how the hell he damn well pleased.

He wasn't mad at Laira, she was good person, strong, intelligent... blonde - Oh, he was so not going there! He yanked back his thoughts, and considered Laira's son instead. He wasn't even mad at Garan, although sometimes he thought the boy feared he was. Laira confirmed it with her next words.

'I'm worried about Garan. I thought, perhaps...' her voice trailed off for a moment, 'would you speak with him? He bears the guilt that you are stranded here, and yet you have told me you do not blame him. Is this still true?'

'Yeah,' he finally turned to face her, 'yeah, it's true. Did you tell him?'

'He will not believe me, Jack. But I think he will believe you. Would you speak with him?'

'Yeah, sure, why not,' he tossed the final stone he held, watching the ripples spread out like the -

' _You can actually see the fluctuations in the event horizon!'_

Jack shook his head, turning his back on the ripples and heading with Laira back to the village. As it came into view, he started to see, for the first time in nearly eight days since the meteor strikes, that the village itself was in bad disrepair. They needed carpenters, stone masons, just as much as they needed the crops that were now being neatly planted in the freshly plowed fields, they needed shelter.

Including him.

He would talk to Garan, keeping digging for the 'Gate, and talk to Paynan. The big guy didn't like him much, but that was besides the point, he would have the lay aside his own animosity for the sake of his people. Besides, Jack had a strong feeling that Paynan's dislike of him had it's roots in the woman who walked beside him now.

 _Relax, Paynan_ , he thought silently, _I don't generally have a thing for blondes, especially those who are too damn smart for their own good_. He could've convinced himself if only the image of one particular blonde, two nights before the Edoran fire-rain had released all hell on the planet, didn't keep intruding on his thoughts every time he turned his thoughts turned back to Earth, and the SGC.

They reached the outskirts of the village, and Jack raised a hand, calling to a familiar figure, hurrying in the direction of the fields. 'Hey, Garan! Wait up!' With a glance at Laira, he headed off, looking back once to find her smiling at him. A careless grin, a flash and then gone. but she took it for a beginning.

For Jack, it was the beginning of the end. Of hope.


	3. Chapter 3

_Don't suck the fun out of this._

 _Is it fun now, Sir! Is it, damn you!_

'General Hammond?' Sam turned at the sound of the knock on her lab door, noting the familiar figure that stood in the doorway. She pushed herself off the stool, and nearly saluted, before she remembered, letting her arm drop. 'What can I do for you, sir?'

'Old habits?' he enquired, indicating the hand she had allowed to fall. Sam nodded wryly, awkward for a moment. She had joined the Airforce, but when the Stargate program had presented itself, with all it's potential and her father's manipulations had nearly had her shunted from the program and into NASA, she had realised that she stood in danger of losing the most important thing in her career that she had ever come across.

Convincing her immediate superiors, including General Hammond, that her resignation and reinstatement as a civilian consultant had been the only way to keep General Carter's nose out of it, hadn't been difficult. It wasn't the first time he'd tried to get Sam moved to NASA, and he continued obstinance on the subject was one of the reasons they had been at odds for so long.

No, if Sam were honest with herself, it all began a very long time before that.

'Did you require me for something, sir? she enquired again, pushing aside unwanted thoughts.

Hammond nodded, coming to stand by her desk, dropping a copy of her report on the worktop in front of him. 'What exactly are you proposing?'

'Well, sir, we've discovered that the Naquada in the soil on Edora was melted by the energy of the incoming meteor that hit the 'Gate. Now, there's a solid layer of rock and metal a few millimeters from the established event horizon when we dial in. The trouble we're having establishing a connection is caused by the lack of space the wormhole has to establish properly, and nothing we send through had room to reintegrate once it's been demolecularised.'

'Okay,' the General nodded, taking in every word and waiting for her to go on.

'Well, ordinarily, I'd give it up as hopeless. We'd need to send heavy machinery to Edora simply to dig out the 'Gate before anyone, or anything could travel through it to Edora. But I started thinking about So'kar, and the way he bombarded the 'Gate with a particle beam. Sir, the gap between the rock layer and the event horizon is like a chasm to every particle in that beam. They should reintegrate and continue at the same velocity they entered the wormhole with. Essentially sir, we're using it like a drill. Once we create enough of a space between the event horizon and the layer of rock, we should be able to send through one, even two, people with enough equipment to dig themselves out.'

'I see. Can we re-establish contact after we send them through?'

'No sir, if they are still trapped in the space behind the 'Gate, any incoming wormhole would disintegrate them.'

'I see,' Hammond looked grave, and for a moment, Sam feared he was going to turn down her idea there and then. 'How about radio contact, can we apprise Colonel O'Neill of the situation?'

'No, sir, the Naquada is interfering with our radio signals. Once we've created a large enough space, we might have thinned the layer between the 'Gate and the surface of the planet enough to get a signal through, but right now, since I have no idea of the density and thickness of the layer, I couldn't say. We would have to wait and see, sir.'

'Very well. Dr Jackson and T'ealc are still trying to raise our allies and find a ship to take a rescue team and their equipment to Edora. In the meantime, when will you be ready to begin 'drilling' as it were?'

'Uh, well, that's the problem, sir.'

'Problem?'

'Yes sir, we need a particle accelerator, sir.'

'Can we requisition one?'

'No, sir. They're not exactly in production. We'd have to build the first one.'

Hammond raised an eyebrow. 'You can do that, Captain?' He forgot her civilian rank in his surprise.

'I believe so, sir,' Carter replied, wishing she felt the same degree of conviction her voice carried.

'Very well. You have a go,' and he left her to it, little realising the magnitude of the task Sam Carter had just laid before herself.

Sam watched him go before turning back to the laptop on her desk where every plan or half-baked idea for a particle accelerator she could pull from every database the SGC had access to - and a few they didn't - now lay.

She had convinced Hammond, now she needed to believe it herself. Particle accelerators were pipe-dreams, physics professors playing with extreme ideas, dreaming the impossible in the work-a-day world of teaching kids or doing some _real_ research, with a tangible endpoint.

Yeah, convincing herself was the easy part. Delivering on her promise... 'Okay,' she said aloud, 'time to start dreaming.'


	4. Chapter 4

_'Deserted!' He'd exclaimed, throwing his arms out in exclamation. 'My own damn team can't keep up with the drinking! C'mon Carter! You're not going to be outdone by an_ _archaeologist_ _, are you?'_

 _'I'm a scientist too, sir,' came the reply,'and a civvie,' she added, almost as an afterthought._

 _'Yeah, but, you're still in the military, more or less.'_

 _Sam shrugged._

 _'You still call me, 'sir',' he noted._

 _'Habit. Sorry, sir,' the little, three-letter word came out automatically and he grinned, holding up his bottle to clink against hers before taking a swig._

 _'Don't worry about it. The military is like a pair of comfortable old boots, Carter, can't leave it behind. Hell, I retired twice and I'm still here.'_

 _She smiled, that smile with the gigawatts behind it, the one that could put the sun to shame. There were times, he decided, that he felt like a dirty old man, considering going for a scientist and a civilian half his age. Okay, not quite half, but he was old enough to be her father, for cryin' out loud! Slightly illegally, perhaps, but still-_

 _And yet, he respected her so damn much, respected her for keeping up with her training, for going into the field even though she didn't have anymore, so taking orders when she could've said 'shove it'. 'Doctor' Carter, young, brilliant and under his command, a position he would never, could never abuse - although, when Jolinar took her, when that damn snake wormed its way inside her head as she tried to save a dying man, he had nearly broken that trust..._

Jack dug the shovel viciously into the ground, remembering the way he'd slammed his fist into the wall when Jolinar had let Sam out, just for a minute, long enough for her to call his name.

 _Jack, please! Don't leave me like this!_

He struck the ground again, thinking himself bloody lucky she'd been in the infirmary for a week afterwards. It had given him time to cool his heels, to think over his actions rationally. Seeing her with Martouf, young, smart... It had been painful, but it put him back in his place, the grizzled old soldier, her commanding officer, the man who would order her around, who never leave her behind, who would get her where she had to go to save the world. One more time.

But never anything else.

Until he was stupid enough to challenge her, with T'ealc gone to Kel'noreem, and Daniel curled up in the armchair, sleeping off the few light beers it had taken to send him there... He shoved the memories aside, digging into the ground again. The spade slammed into something solid and hope leapt, sending adrenalin surging through his veins.

'Garan!' he yelled. 'Here!' The boy had taken to helping him, every other day, when he wasn't helping his mother build furniture for their new home. He raced over, spade in hand, and they dug, keeping it shallow and clearing a space large enough to determine what they had struck. It wasn't the 'Gate, but a large expanse of rock, solid, partly metallic from what Jack could determine after he'd spent what felt like hours examining it.

It took them three days to uncover it, but the area was huge, and somewhere underneath, or melted into it, was the 'Gate itself. Intact, or in parts, he no longer had a way to tell. Or to find out. It was over, he had no way home. They wouldn't be stealing a mothership to come all the way out here for one old Colonel who had already retired twice. Especially if they didn't know he was alive.

And he didn't see that there was any way they could.

He stood by the river, watching the last rays of the sun set in the far distance, turning the water to liquid gold. He sent circles rippling across it's surface, skipping the last of his stones, one after the other, and watching them sink.

And there was her voice again, she always knew where to find him these days, right here between the rushes, not far from where the boats were tied up. The best place for fishing, Garan had told him. He'd have to try.

'Jack?'

That voice again. Laira. Like him, she'd done the marriage thing before, they understood each other. Kind of. Okay, they didn't, but she reminded him of Sara, she was familiar ground. Comfortable. _Safe, go on, Jack, admit it!_.

Yeah, okay! She's safe! So what? Not a crime, is it?

 _Giving up is._

But he wasn't, the decision had already been taken away from him. There was no going back, never seeing his team again. His family. Never visiting Charlie's grave, seeing Cassie... No Sam. Behind him, Laira waited, patient as always. Patient, yeah, quiet, safe. He turned, and she smiled. He didn't return it, but he left the riverbank with her, winding their slow way back to the village in the dim light of dusk. She stumbled once, and he caught her arm, stopping her from falling.

He took her hand and led her along a safer path. He didn't let go. Not even when they reached the lights of the village.


	5. Chapter 5

Six weeks. Six weeks and counting.

It wasn't good enough dammit! Sam slammed her fist into the door, almost relishing the pain as it diminished her frustration with herself, with the team she'd thrown together and with the stupid lump of machinery that sat in the middle of chaos in one of the spare labs, stubbornly refusing to work.

'Goddamit! Work, you heap of junk!'

'Sam?'

Janet's light voice came from the corridor and a moment later she stepped into the doorway, framed in the light from the corridor. She was dressed in her civvies, probably heading home to Cassandra. The thought of the little girl tugged at Sam's heart, she hadn't been to see her in weeks. But then, she hadn't been offbase either. She ate because Daniel made her, she slept because Frasier threatened to sedate her. Hammond quietly ignored the situation, leaving Sam to her friends and team-mates, trusting them to keep her on the right track.

Ordering someone to not perform a miracle... Well, he still wasn't sure how you did that.

'Sam, they are going to send a ship for him.'

'Yeah, in a year. Maybe two! It's not good enough, Janet, and apparently, neither am I!' She stared at the particle accelerator, stubborn and silent in the middle of the floor.

'You miss him,' it was a statement, not a question.

'Yeah,' the admission was quiet, so low Janet could almost imagine she hadn't heard it.

'Where's your team?'

'I sent them home, they needed to get some rest. Edwards was dropping off over his desk.'

'And what about you?'

'I'm fine,' she caught janet's disbelieving look, 'I iwill/i be. I've had the same training as you, Janet, I may have left the Airforce, but I didn't leave the training or the mindset behind. I don't think I can.

iA pair of old boots, Carter./i

She blinked, looked around, it was almost like he'd spoken the words himself. Janet watched her carefully, knowing she'd have to lead Sam up to this one.

'You're not superhuman Sam, you need rest too. A decent meal. Come home with me, see Cassie, I'll cook, you can get a good night's sleep.'

'I can't afford it Janet. Look,'she dropped the irritation in favour of wheedling the petite brunette, 'I'll work until twenty-one hundred hours, get something to eat from the mess hall and stay in my bunk until oh-six-hundred. I promise. That's at least eight hours sleep.'

'After working for forty-eight hours straight? You really think that's good enough, Sam? Its not just sleep, you need to switch off for a few hours, give yourself some distance. You're exhausting yourself, mentally, physically... and emotionally.' She added the last word deliberately, emphasising it.

'What's that supposed to mean?'

Janet drew a deep breath and stepped further into the room. 'I know you Sam, you've never had a medical problem in your life. Your body clock is on a precise timer, you told me it's been that's way ince you were about eighteen. Don't tell me it hasn't crossed your mind...'

'Stress, you said it yourself.'

'Sam,' Janet's voice carried a warning note, 'don't. Don't do that to yourself, and don't lie to me. Your blood test results came back today.' Sam had collapsed on her way to her quarters nearly four days before, and Janet, who had watched her drive herself harder and harder with growing concern, had ordered a full exam and an enforced twelve hour break. Sam didn't want to admit it aloud, but it had helped, she'd finally managed to finish the accelerator when she'd been allowed back to work.

It was just a shame the damn thing didn't work!

She considered kicking it when she realised Janet was waiting, for what? An answer? What the hell had she just said?

iYour blood test results came back today.

Oh.

Fuck./i


	6. Chapter 6

The party was in full swing, and they had a lot to celebrate. The last house had been restored, there was still work to be done, but everyone had shelter, had a bed, chairs - the basic things in life. The crops were showing signs of life, and the stores of food they had managed to collect between the MREs left behind, the wild foraging they had done and the crops that had been planted further away from the village would see them through the hard months to follow. Summer was coming, and the nights were warmer, the days longer, allowing them to work more hours.

Fishing poles had been cut, and Jack was spending his downtime now fishing with Garan. Since whatever they caught fed the villagers, it couldn't really be classed as leisure time, but there was an ease and peace to the time they spent at the riverbank that Jack couldn't tag to the working day. Garan was a good kid and the Colonel had taken a liking to him, now he was sure O'Neill didn't blame him for the loss of his world, he was opening up in a way he hadn't since his father died, or so Laira told him.

Laira herself was another story. Jack lived with her and her son, sleeping on a low cot in the main living area, near the banked fire although that was becoming largely superfluous since the nights were warmer. He knew there were a few rumours starting to circulate, but he'd made it clear to Garan that nothing was happening between himself and Laira, and that he wouldn't come between them, no matter how long he had to stay on Edora.

Beyond that, he didn't really care what other people thought.

He drank his beer, or whatever it was, _stroe_ , or something. It smelled a bit like beer, and it tasted alright, so he drank it. Across the floor Garan danced with a girl, Elaya? He wasn't sure, but he recognised the look on Garan's face. The boy was a goner. Jack grinned, oh yeah, he knew that look...

 _Sam had one foot on the chair, her expression alive. She spoke too fast, her words tumbling one over the other. The alcohol had reddened her cheeks, and her eyes were a little too bright, but the same animation that lit up her face every time she was talking about a project or made a new discovery was there._

 _He lounged on the floor, one arm hooked on the sofa, the other holding a beer, watching her. He could've watched her all night. But things didn't work out that way. Gradually, she fell quiet, her eyes on him. They didn't speak, but he popped the cap on another bottle, handing to her to replace the empty one. She took it, her fingers brushing his, but she didn't drink. From the corner came a low snore._

 _Daniel._

 _And she smiled. That gigawatt smile, and he'd forgotten everything he'd promised himself. Pushing himself away from the sofa, he reached up and-_

'Will you dance?'

It was Laira. Laughing, she stood in front of him, wearing a dress that looked almost new. It was one of the few pieces of clothing she possessed, The dress she had been married in. The overskirt she had given to a neighbour who had lost everything but the clothes on her back. It was like her, he thought, taking apart her wedding dress to help her neighbours. Not that everyone hadn't made sacrifices, but he saw it the most in those closest to him.

'Sure,' he replied, putting down the beaten metal tankard. 'Why not?'

He found himself pulled into the crowd. Rough wooden floorboards made up the dancefloor, and the roof of the council house had not been repaired yet so the stars shone through as the music from the various fiddles and drums rose to the sky. He didn't know the dance, so he watched for a few moments, and then took his cue from Laira, thumping along with an enthusiasm he hadn't felt since before the meteor storm.

Eight weeks ago now. Eight weeks and counting.

Sometimes he wondered if the SGC would ever send anyone to Edora. Not necessarily for him, but to return the Edorans who had made it through the 'Gate back to their homeworld.

Unless they gave them a new home somewhere else.

There was a commotion near the doors, and the music died away to the sound of cheering. A wash of people swept closer and the dancers drew aside. Lay'en, cradling a blanket wrapped bundle in his arms, pushed through the crowd. His wife, Laira's sister-in-law, followed, support by another woman who led her straight to a chair. She was pale but smiling, watching her husband carry her daughter through the crowd until he stopped in front of Laira and Jack who stood near the centre of the room.

Giving Laira a smile and wink, Lay'en lifted the baby into the air, turning for all to see. 'I would like you welcome, my daughter. Samantha!'

Laira laughed aloud and reached out her arms for her niece as the cheering echoed through the hall. Lay'en handed over the child, turning away to check on his wife and Laira cradled the first child to be born in the new village. Paynan came over, peering into the child's face, a benevolent smile breaking over his normally solemn features.

'Welcome, Samantha!' he declared, his voice booming, 'I declare thy birth a good omen of the year to come. The first year after the great firestorm!'

The cheering came again, and Laira found herself watching Jack who couldn't take his eyes from the child her arms. Lay'en joined them again, leaving in wife in the care of her women. He placed a weary hand on O'Neill's shoulder, 'I hope you do not mind, Colonel. If we had had a son, would have named him after yourself, in honour of all you have done for us, but we could not, so instead, we named her after the only woman of your people we have met. One who saved many of our people, and, I am sure, would have done much had she been here.'

'Yeah, she would have,' O'Neill suddenly found his mouth dry, unable to do more than offer a weak smile, and his congratulations to those that were pouring in from well-wishers around the room. Sam. They named her after Sam. The baby had been taken from Laira, to be passed around the room as everyone in the village introduced themselves to the newcomer.

He remembered another blonde, standing there with a child in her arms. An older child, but no less vulnerable, used by the Go'auld as tool to get rid of the rather inconvenient humans that had suddenly emerged from Earth. It was a contrast to the joy he saw now, the sadness that had hung over Cassie's life. And the fear that had gripped his heart when he heard her voice.

 _'I'm staying.'_

So he'd waited, until they reached time zero and then he'd called her on the intercom, waiting for several long, heart-stopping moments for her reply.

 _'We're here!'_

Jack found Laira dancing with him again. He shook his head, and asked the first question that came to mind.

'How did they know her name was Samantha?'

'Lay'en is very interested in the ruins, when Dr Carter and Dr Jackson were asking question, they spoke to him at length. His wife felt unwell, and Dr Carter aided her. Shonel asked Carter her name. She was curious, as women are.'

Jack nodded abstractly. Carter hadn't mentioned it.

'She means a lot to you.'

'Huh? Who?'

'Dr Carter. Sam. I've heard you call her Sam.'

'Yeah, I guess I do.'

'You do not use her real name?' Laira was obviously a victim of that same curiousity.

'Yeah, sure I do. Sometimes. But... she's always been Sam. Or Carter. It's a military thing.'

'But you told me she was a, what did you say? Civilian? As is Dr Jackson?'

'Oh, well, sort of. Sam's civilian now, but she used to be military. I guess I forget sometimes that she's civilian now.' _Except that one time, when she forgot she was civilian, military, anything but who she is. Just her. Just Sam._

'I think, I think that you have found a home here,' Laira went on. The people here have accepted you, you have helped us rebuild our homes, plant our crops. How long has it been, Jack, since you saw your people?' He didn't answer, he didn't need to. They both knew.

Fifty-eight days. Just over eight weeks. Fifty-eight days.

And counting.

Instead he pulled her closer as the music struck up again. He closed his eyes, remembering the last time he had held someone like this in his arms, for the briefest moment, before-

Life moved on. And he had no doubt that it would on the other side of that 'Gate. So why was he still holding back? One hundred days, Laira had told him, she mourned her husband's loss for one hundred days.

But how long did you mourn for the loss of a whole world?


	7. Chapter 7

Twelve weeks. That meant eighty-four days. Eight-four days, eighteen hours and forty-two minutes.

And counting.

More if you included the fact that Colonel O'Neill was lost at approximately sixteen-hundred hours on Day Zero. She was really feeling it now, the caffeine and chocolate she had bribed her body with, the enforced work breaks that Janet stipulated and Daniel ensured were carried out. At times it felt the archeologist had turned traitor, siding with Janet to ensure she got the rest the petite doctor thought she needed.

Sam rubbed tired eyes with a weary hand and drained a glass of water in one breath. She tipped the water jug, splashing a little over her face and wrists. The cold water woke her up a little, but she was going to have to call it a night soon. The particle accelerator was complete, they'd even trialled it and it worked. The damn thing, after eleven weeks and four days had actually worked.

But the flow rate wasn't right, and it wouldn't do anything if they aimed it at the event horizon in it's current state. She lay on her back, wriggled herself under the machine and hooked up the wires that led to her laptop. Nearly there now. If she could adjust the software, it wasn't a hardware problem, she just needed to strip out the current program-

 _They'd stripped off their clothes somewhere between the bedroom door and the bed. Daniel still slept in the next room, but it didn't seem as important as it had been a moment ago. In fact, she couldn't figure out why she had ever thought this was a bad idea. Maybe it was being a civilian now, maybe too much of her military training had been holding her back. Maybe she just figured he wasn't interested, maybe..._

 _But thinking wasn't important either, and Sam lost the thread as Jack's hands skimmed across her skin. Tags slid across her throat, hanging from the chain around his neck. She could feel her own, pushed behind her head. They hadn't taken them off. Old habits. And then she forgot to think again when his fingers reached their goal. He bent his head, covering her mouth with his and the whole world, military and civilian, disappeared..._

A ghost of a smile touched her lips, as the memory rose in her mind. She scrambled out from under the accelerator, jogging round the desk to her computer, her steps lighter, as if the remembrance had brought a burst of energy with it. Absently she pressed one hand to her back, lying on the floor ached more than it used to. But then, it would, wouldn't it? She poured herself a fresh glass of water, tapped in a couple of instructions and waited for the processor in the accelerator to update.

The laptop beeped, informing her it was finished. Sam glanced at her watch, twenty-three hundred hours. Oh-seven-hundred tomorrow, Lee and Edwards would be back in, and they'd run a fresh set of trials. Across the lab was the tray Daniel had dropped off earlier, half a sandwich and an apple sat there, staring at her silently. She guessed she should eat, but she needed a shower. At the thought of a shower, she wanted to sleep. The temptation to lay her head down on her arms and simply give in to the impulse, was almost irresistible, but she shoved it aside, pushing herself up and heading for the plate.

Janet would only put her on another twenty-four hours downtime if she didn't.

Fifteen minutes later, Carter stepped under the spray in the silent locker room, the hot water washing away the grime in her hair and the dirt from her skin. Leaning her head against the cold tiles, she closed her eyes, letting the water ease her aching muscles. She moved on hand down, over the slight rise of her abdomen. Alone, she took the chance that no-one would hear her, whispering words that couldn't be heard to the half-formed life that lay under her hand.

'It won't be much longer now. I'm sorry, little one, it's been a hard few months, hasn't it? But I couldn't break my promise to bring him home, could I? We'll do what Janet says after this, I'll take some leave, crash out, give you everything you need. Just hold on for a little while longer...'

The words faded and the memories took over. She hadn't expected this to happen, she'd suspected, before Janet even came into her lab with the results from her blood tests. He wasn't dead, she had convinced herself of that, if nothing else. She turned around under the hot spray, her mind wandering over the times they'd been in situations like this before. One time when she would have killed for a hot shower, when they were stuck in the Antartica, hidden deep under the ice and she'd had to watch him die, slowly, bit by bit, beating her head against a DHD that wouldn't work and cursing her own incompetence.

It had been hard, watching someone slip away, knowing you were the only one who could save them and being unable to do so. It had been like these past couple of months - beating her head against the only device that could bring him back and send the Edorans home. But now, like then, it was over.

She could only hope he would be there, waiting on the other side. That he hadn't lost hope; she knew that she almost had, she had come perilously close at times but she had kept going, and that hope had paid off. She had a working particle accelerator three levels below where she stood now, waiting to drill a hole behind the Edoran Stargate and let their rescue teams through. It was a miracle they had done it, let alone the record time they had set. She'd have to apologise to her team when this was over; she gave a tired smile, she'd been hell to work for.

Weariness was creeping over her again, the adrenaline burst from earlier failing. Pushing herself away from the wall, she quickly washed her hair, arms aching even though she held them over her head for only a few minutes. She didn't like to admit it, but Janet was right, she was skirting the edge of exhaustion.

Ten minutes later, hair still damp, she crawled into her bunk and curled up on her side, closing her eyes and forcing ideas to stop whirling around her head.

 _'I know, I think too much.'_

She had this time too, put her head into overdrive in fact, but she had done what he'd taught her as well. She had quit weighing the odds and gone with hope instead. She could only wait to see that didn't let her down.


	8. Chapter 8

Ninety-nine days.

When did you stop counting? One hundred? One thousand?

He was tired of numbers.

Jack cast another line out over the water, trying not to think about the expectations back in the village behind him. Garan and Elaya were getting married, and everyone, he knew, was expecting another wedding before the seasons turned again. Everyone except Laira, she had accepted, at least he thought she had, that it would take longer for him than it had for her. It would take him more than one hundred days.

He didn't know how much longer, because tomorrow, he would stop counting. Tomorrow, he would visit the 'Gate site one more time, before he put it all aside and concentrated on making a life for himself here. Whether that life would be alone, he didn't know yet, it was far too soon to tell, but somewhere deep inside he suspected it wouldn't be. Elaya had lost her father to Earth, he thought she had gone ahead, but she had doubled back, looking for Garan.

She had found him, but had lost her family in the process.

 _'It is customary for the parents of a couple that are to be joined, be escorted to the ceremony by their parents. They give up their place as the closest kin and give them over to their new lives, and their new family. Each to the other. I know my mother wishes you to stand with her, Jack, but Elaya will be alone. Would you stand with her?'_

He couldn't refuse, and now Garan and Elaya's day had arrived, and he would stand with Elaya and give her over to Garan. Across the river, and behind him too, fields of wheat were beginning to ripen, and more births were expected in the village. The Edorans were moving on, and the significance of that struck him hard.

With a final cast over the water, Jack collected his things and headed back the way he had come.

Music filled the town hall once more, dancing and the food they could gather together for the feast was laid out on tables. Paynan stood at the front of the hall, having given his blessing to the happy couple, he commanded the Edorans to, effectively, eat, drink and be merry. Laira took his arm, and once more he found himself treading the old boards. Above the stars no longer shone through the roof, new logs were in place, Jack had taught them some new methods of joinery. His place in the community was set, and Earth was a very long way away.

Paynan met him at the table when Jack gave over Laira's arm to Garan, whilst his bride giggled suspiciously in the corner with other women. The couple would be leaving soon, and he would follow not long after. He wanted to rise before dawn, make his way out to the 'Gate before Laira was awake. It would just be the two of them in the house from now on. Garan and Elaya's new house awaited them just down the street from where he stood now. Jack had started clearing the ground with Garan's help the day the young man had announced the marriage would take place.

'She is a good woman, Jack,' Paynan glanced over at Laira, laughing with her son as the music went faster, the fiddler playing his fingers off as the drummer increased the beat. Jack glanced the same way, and nodded.

'She is at that,' he waited, knowing there was more to come.

'I do not know how things stand between you, but I would not wish to see her hurt. I thought perhaps, that once...' his voice trailed off and Jack took a swig from his tankard, turning to look Paynan square in the face.

'Look, Paynan, I don't know how things stood between the two of you once. I don't know how they stand between myself and Laira now. All I know is, I lost everything just over three months ago, and I'm not ready to just kick back and accept that just yet. Laira knows that too. I'd never hurt her.'

'Good. Because neither would I.'

It was a challenge of sorts, Jack supposed, and whilst he was willing to fight for Laira's right to choose for herself, to protect her from being hurt by someone like Paynan, he wasn't sure that claiming her for himself was the direction he was prepared to take. She was, and he knew it, but for the first time, he wondered if she really accepted that he would never forget Earth, and what he had left behind. He didn't know if he himself had accepted that.

What he really felt came to the fore that night.

Laira sat in front of the fire, heating a spiced tea that the Edorans drank to relax, or take the edge off a hangover and Jack had found it very effective. He smiled as she handed him a tin mug that he taken out of his supplies, filled with the steaming liquid. Their fingers brushed, as they had many times before now, but Laira nearly blushed, looking away into the fire. Jack's first thought was to head this off, the second was to wonder if he really wanted to.

When he kissed her, it wasn't for the first time, but there was a subtle shift in both of them. Maybe it was that she had decided not to be patient any longer, or maybe it was that he had decided to stop counting. Either way, this was going further than he had planned. It wasn't until they had stepped into her bedroom that he allowed himself to accept how far, neither of them paused again, neither of them allowing themselves to consider the implications of what happened tonight until the wrong name crossed his lips.

Laira froze, forcing Jack to realise his mistake. He rubbed one hand over his face, letting her go, swearing silently. 'Laira, I-'

'Hush. It's okay. I knew... I knew it would take you time to let go of your world. I just didn't realise... You love her, don't you?'

'I,' suprisingly, it was easy to talk, but he just didn't know what to say. 'I- don't know,' he said finally.

Laira nodded, as if she understood, but he wasn't sure she did. 'I will not wait forever Jack, but I will not count the days either.'

'I know, I'm sorry, Laira.'

'Don't be. I need to sleep.'

'Yeah. Me too,' turning, he left her, grabbing a blanket from his cot, he stepped into the cool night air, heading for the river. He'd sleep on the bank tonight and head to the 'Gate site tomorrow. When he stopped counting.

Lying on his back, he stared at the stars, wondering where Earth was in that glittering scatter of stars across the velvet black of night. 'I'm sorry, Sam,' he whispered, 'but we can't wait forever either, I guess we missed our shot.'

It took a long time before he fell asleep.


	9. Chapter 9

One hundred days. One hundred days and she didn't have to count anymore.

The accelerator hummed, firing a constant particle beam at the event horizon, cutting a cavern beyond the wormhole into the solid ground of Edora and creating a space large enough to send someone through. Sam stood by the accelerator, monitoring the flow. It had taken days to repair it when one of the accelerators blew, leaving her with burns to one hand and Edwards with a concussion that, thankfully, wasn't serious. Janet had wanted to confine Sam to the infimary for a week, but the anxiety one night had caused her patient told her it would do more harm than good.

 _You realise I'm enforcing a month's leave after this is all over, don't you?'_

 _'Enforce it? Hell, Janet, I've already asked Hammond for it._

If it surprised her, she didn't show it, but the doctor had looked pleased, making her promise to spend some time with her and Cassie during her downtime. At the time, Sam had been looking forward to it, but now the moment of truth had come, the time when they found out if their work had been for nothing, and a knot of tension had built in her shoulders. But it was nothing to the dread that gnawed at her gut.

They sent through a M.A.L.P, to check the size of the cavern and the composition of the atmosphere. It didn't look good.

'Sir, we have room for a single person to get in there and work, the particle beam is no longer having an effect, but whoever goes through will need to take their own air supply.'

'I see. Can we re-establish contact once someone goes through?'

'No, sir, the backwash from the event horizon when it establishes will disintegrate all matter within the cavern,' Hammond said nothing, but he noticed the way her hand shook over the keyboard as she analysed the telemetry coming through from the M.A.L.P. She yawned, covering her mouth with the back of her hand as T'ealc stepped forward.

'I still volunteer to go, General Hammond.'

'Are you sure, son? We can't help you if something goes wrong.'

'I am sure.'

'Very well. You have a go.'

T'ealc nodded, heading down to the 'Gateroom where the climbing equipment was already waiting. Shucking the pack onto his back, he headed for the shimering event horizon, turning back once to look at the faces who watched him through the glass from the control room. To in particular, one blonde head, one brown, hovering protectively behind her, pretending that he wasn't. He nodded once, and stepped through the 'Gate.

Moments later a radio signal came back.

'You may now shut down the 'Gate, Doctor Carter.'

'Good luck, T'ealc,' it was Hammond. Sam nodded, silently echoing the sentiment and shut down the wormhole. Behind her, Daniel touched her shoulder and Sam rose, allowing him to lead her away. Hammond watched them go; if it had been anyone else hovering over the blonde physicist, she would have resented it, but the gentle archeologist had nothing but compassion for the woman he looked on as a sister, and Sam refused to take what he did the wrong way. It would have hurt him too much and with Jack missing, Shau're gone, he didn't need pain from her too.

They headed for Sam's quarters, if T'ealc made it through and Jack was alive, Sam would be travelling to Edora soon enough, right now, she needed rest.


	10. Chapter 10

Jack spent the day away from the village. He'd reached the 'Gate site as dawn broke, filling the sky with a steely grey and clouds had gathered, the potential for summer rainfall. It was appropriate that the sun wasn't out, it would've been wrong, to have the sun shining today, of all days.

But the weather didn't hold, the temporary shower that forced him to shelter under nearby trees, his eyes on the fields below with the river running like a silver snake, across the landscape whilst his mind wandered elsewhere. Through blue dresses, kidnapping, glowing eyes and guns in hands. He thought of technobabble and ruined cities, of archeological digs, and shiny new gizmos that made Sam's eyes light up. He thought of T'ealc and his family, his people and the freedom they strove for. He thought of Hammond and his grandkids, of Sara and Charlie's grave, and hoped she would visit often. Maybe she would find someone, and take them there, sharing the memory of Charlie.

Most of all, he thought of Sam, not wishing for anything in particular, simply thinking of her, locking away his memories of her one by one, trying to track down the elusive quality that made him love her.

Love her.

Laira had been right, he did love her and for one hundred days he had been avoiding all voluntary memory of her, turning aside the thoughts that came when he wasn't concentrating on keeping them at bay. Well, he let them come now, and he was surprised, scared almost, from the pain it brought, the thought of never seeing her again.

One hundred days, and he hadn't spent it grieving, he'd spent it in ignorance.

Tear burned in his throat, but he refused to let them come. He curled up under the trees, slammed his fist into the ground and breathed hard until the temptation had gone away. With a sigh, he leant back against the rough bark, feeling the ache in his chest recede. One day, it would stop hurting, he knew that, Daniel had taught him that on Abydos.

He wondered arond the 'Gate site, walked past it, into the hills and spent the day away the village in solitude, but he never thought of Sam again, spending his time keeping the memories at bay. It was dusk by the time he made his way to Laira's house. She had a meal ready, but didn't ask him where he had been, leaving him alone with his grief.

One hundred days - she had been counting too.

He had just started eating when the radio crackled. At first, it seemed like an errant memory making it's way to the surface of his mind but the crackle came again and Jack froze, the spoon halfway to his mouth. 'What was that?'

Laira looked round from the fireplace, glancing first at him and then in the corner, under his bunk where he had stashed his gear. 'I've heard that sound for the past few hours,' she replied, 'I didn't think anything of it.'

'What! Why didn't you send someone to fetch me!' He dropped the spoon, scrabbling under the bed for his pack. Yanking it out he pulled the radio free, another crackle and a voice broke through the static.

'Colonel O'Neill!'

'T'ealc!' Jack practically yelled his name into the radio. 'T'ealc, is that you? Where the hell are you!'

'Un-' more static,' Stargate-' and he cut out again.

With a whoop of triumph, Jack raced for the door, grabbing the shovel hanging on the wall. He raced into the street, heading straight for Garan's house. The young man was sitting at his evening meal, but as the words tumbled out of Jack, he yanked on his boots and ran with him to site where the Stargate had once stood.

They were losing light fast, but they located the scratching sounds from under the surface and swung their shovels, digging down as T'ealc dug up until they broke through the cavern. Jack peered in, with the dim light above and T'ealc's torch below he could just make out the big Jaffa, hanging by a rope harness from the roof of the cavern.

'T'ealc! You crazy son-of-a-!' He cut off the last word, the grin that lit his features saying more than words ever could. The three of them worked for another hour, enlarging the hole until T'ealc could climb out.

'I am glad to see you my friend,' the Jaffa said gravely, bowing to Garan when Jack introduced the young man by his side. He went to the DHD, dialling Earth and the radio signal he sent through triggered a wave of cheering that spread throughout the halls of the SGC. Word was passed on to the refugees as the three men on Edora started hauling supplies and men through the cavern to the surface.

Through it all, as the men from the village joined Jack and Garan, Laira sat with Elaya in her cottage, realising the time had come when she had to say goodbye, unless there was some way she could convince him to stay.


	11. Chapter 11

'Sam! They found him! Sam!' Daniel tore through the halls of the SGC, heading directly for Sam's quarters. He didn't bother to knock, throwing open the door. It slammed back and she shot up in bed, shocked by the sudden entrance. 'Sam. They found him. He's alive, T'ealc's fine, they're sending the rescue teams through now, they need to raise the 'Gate and General Hammond wants you on the other side in case something goes wrong when they move it.'

'Give me three minutes,' Sam replied. Daniel nodded.

'I'll be right outside.'

Sam yanked back the blankets, grabbing her BDUs and running to the metal sink bolted in the corner of her room. Three minutes later, she was outside, running with Daniel along the Hall towards armoury and supplies. Loaded with pack, they headed for the 'Gateroom. They had expected something like this, and although she was unhappy with the idea, Janet had cleared her for 'Gate travel on the condition she report directly to the infirmary when she returned.

If she had examined Carter in the moments before she left, she would never have let her go.

They headed through the 'Gate, stepping over the event horizon, almost climbing over, to find the 'Gate itself at a slant, buried in the earth, and a cavern yawning above them. Without seeing it, Sam knew there was one below the event horizon too. In front of them hung slings, and nearby stood a young-looking lieutenant, ready to strap them in whilst his counterparts on the surface hoisted them up. The wormhole disengaged, and underneath them yawned a chasm that would break limbs if they chanced to fall.

It wasn't helped by Sam's recent dizziness. Ignoring a sense of vertigo that she'd never experienced before, Sam stood patiently whilst Daniel and the Captain strapped her in, Daniel being careful where the straps were tightened. The ropes creaked and she moved slowly towards the night sky above.

On the surface, it was a hive of activity with lights and campfires everywhere. Edorans and airforce personnel swarmed, and somewhere amongst them was Jack and T'ealc. It was the Jaffa who saw them first, waving across the expanse of broken stone and debris. He made his way over, taking in Sam's pale face which was obvious even in the flickering light.

'You need rest, Dcotor Carter. Doctor Jackson, if you will take her away from the 'Gate, we should start raising it soon.'

They did. Sam and Daniel sat and stood to one side, watching them dig out the 'Gate. It took hours, and the first light of dawn had touched the sky with fire by the time it was upright. That was where Sam came in, the moorings they had brought through had to be adjusted to allow the 'Gate to rotate freely and the DHD needed to be reconnected. She worked for hours, giving orders, running back and forth, Daniel hovering close by. Somewhere in the crowd he saw Jack, working with the others on the hoists and pulleys to lift the 'Gate and hold in place whilst the others worked to anchor it.

He didn't bother to wave, Jack had his hands full and he had his share of work helping Sam, acting as her runner wherever he could, augmenting her orders with a louder voice than she could currently muster as the night wore on and sun broke over the horizon. By the time the 'Gate was operational, with a wormhole having been established going both ways, the sun was high in the sky, and the refugees were amassed in the Gateroom, waiting to return to Edora.

Sam and Daniel had gone down to the village to let the others know their families and friends were returning, and met Jack coming back, the first chance they had had to see him properly. A few feet behind, T'ealc followed, the first of the refugees filtering through the 'Gate far behind them. Despite the tiredness that had crept over her, the lead that seemed to have formed in her boots and dragged each step, it was with relief, and certain level of brightness that she met him as he walked towards them.

'Jack-!'

But that single word was as far as she got. 'Carter,' his voice curt, 'Daniel,' and he walked on by, heading directly for the village. Sam turned, wondering what was going on and saw him walk, not to the village, but one of the women, the same one who had shown them the best places to watch the firestorm. Laura? Lara? She was attractive, a mild-mannered woman with a quiet intelligence who had caught on the explanations Sam had offered for the firestorm quickly.

He went to her, wrapped his arms around her small frame and held her close, bowing his head into her shoulder. Sam felt her stomach flip and she turned away, cut to the core by the obvious affection he had for the woman he held. The time she had spent, worrying, working, driving herself to the limit to cut a year or more off the time it would take to bring him home, and from the silent tableau in front of her, he had spent the time moving on with his life, counting the prospects of a new world instead of counting the days until he made it home.

 _I'm not going to die a million light years from home._

After Antartica she had sworn he would never have to, she would bring him home. Him, Daniel and T'ealc - she would always bring them home. She wouldn't fail them again, and despite everything she had had to risk to do so, she had kept that promise.

Jack O'Neill, it appeared, had long since changed his mind.

'Come with me,' she heard him say.

Sam kept her back to them, heading back up the trail to the 'Gate. In a moment, she shifted her focus, Jack was safe now. He had a way home if he wanted to take it, she had someone else to think of, another promise to keep. Maybe it would hit her later, but right now, she couldn't afford the amotional fallout.

Behind her she heard Daniel catch up and fall into step, his presence a welcome comfort by her side. T'ealc fell in behind them, and they kept in formation, even when her steps slowed and she stumbled over the larger rocks as they closed in on the 'Gate.

Everything was churning now, the ground wasn't level to begin with and her head was spinning, adding to her problems. With a sigh of relief, she topped the rise and saw the 'Gate less than fifty yards away. The refugees were flooding through, carrying packs and supplies, waving to the military personnel, shaking hands, meeting loved ones who came running up to meet them. Despite everything, Sam found herself smiling as families were reunited, friends and loved ones coming home.

It was worth it, she thought to herself, it was worth it, just to see this.

She heard gravel crunch behind them, glanced back to see Jack, dressed in his Edoran clothes, carrying his pack, slung over one shoulder, his tac-vest already in place. He didn't wave, merely nodded, scrutinising her for a minute before he turned his gaze away, watching the 'Gate until it shut down.

They dialled out, establishing contact with the SGC as Garan walked up the path with Elaya, Paynan and Lay'en, carrying his daughter in his arms. 'Her mother wanted to stay with her sisters, but she said I should bring her,' Lay'en came towards Sam, holding out the small bundle, 'we called her Samantha, for all that your people did for us. We hope you do not object.'

Sam smiled, Jack, unnoticed, watched the genuine gigawatt smile blossom on her face, far paler and thinner than when he had left her. She took the child in her arms, smiling down at the little girl, but she seemed tired, as if the baby weighed far more than she did.

'She's beautiful, Lay'en, I'm honoured,' Sam replied, handing her back, wishing she could hold her a little longer, but her arms ached with tiredness and she wanted to get back to the SGC, to Janet, who could tell her that everything was okay.

'You are welcome back to see her whenever you please,' Lay'en went on, 'our house is yours. Your friends are welcome too,' he added, bowing to T'ealc and Daniel, 'and Jack,' he reached out and grasped the Colonel's hand, 'come back soon, my friend.' He turned away, leaving Garan and Elaya to bid Jack farewell and Paynan to offer the hospitality of the village to the people who had saved so many lives.

'We'll send some more supplies through, and the treaty with Naquada means someone will always be contact with your world. We'll map your world's circuit around your sun and through that meteor belt - next time, we'll be prepared.'

'Thank you, my friend,' Paynan said, shaking his hand warmly, 'will _you_ be returning' he asked, stressing Jack himself.

'Only if the General sends me here. Fair day, Paynan.'

'Fair day.'

The small contingent of Edorans turned and headed back to the village as SG-1 walked towards the 'Gate. Airforce personnel still moved around, stacking supplies, helping more of the villagers to clear the debris from the was still much to be done, but Sam found herself unable to care. The very act of walking was becoming more difficult and she fell behind the others as they straggled towards the Stargate. Daniel, sensing her absence, turned before crossing the event horizon.

'Sam!' he called, his voice alarmed as he saw her stagger. The world turned grey, like a veil dropped across her eyes, but Jack reached her first, dropping his pack. He caught her, hoisting her into his arms, he turned to the others. 'Move it, Danny! Get Frasier to the Gateroom!'

T'ealc grabbed O'Neill's pack turning with him as the Colonel ran for the event horizon. It wasn't the first time he'd carried an injured team-mate home and it wasn't the first time he'd had to hoist Sam's weight, but she felt lighter than before. Much lighter. She was pale, and cold to the touch. He dived across the event horizon, fear twisting his gut.


	12. Chapter 12

Fraiser wasn't fast enough, Daniel had barely made it across the event horizon and raised the alarm before Jack came crashing through behind him. Stalking down the gangway, he headed for the main doors, turning left for the elevator and a direct route to the infirmary. When the doors slid open, Frasier was there with her team and gurney.

'Dammit! When did this happen?' she demanded, stepping aside as Jack swung round, laying Carter gently on the waiting gurney. He stepped into the elevator with them as a nurse punched the floor number and Janet turned her attention to her patient.

'A few minutes ago,' he replied, 'we were walking towards the 'Gate, Danny turned round, called out and I turned in time to catch her.'

'She didn't hit the ground?'

'No! I caught her. What's wrong with her, doc?'

'Hopefully nothing a few days in bed wouldn't cure, but I'm not sure yet,' the doors slid open again and Janet rushed her team towards the infirmary, signalling the Colonel to stay outside. 'I'm sorry, sir, I'll need you to wait here.'

Unwillingly, O'Neill did as ordered, sliding down into one of the chairs outside, stretching his aching leg out before him. It hadn't been Sam's weight, or the walk up the path, but the hours he'd spent on his knees, clearing debris throughout the night. When she had come through, with Daniel, he'd watched until she was safely on the ground, and then he was too busy to find them again, putting everything into raising the 'Gate, leaving Sam to do her job.

Which was only partly true.

He quite simply didn't know how to react. He'd spent yesterday mourning her loss, partly thankful that now it was over, that he didn't have to be her commanding officer anymore, that he didn't have to take her and Danny into battle, wondering every time if this was the last time he was going to see the people he thought of as family. He'd spent ninety-nine days in denial, and the hundredth accustoming himself to the prospect of a life without that kind of challenge, that kind of emotion. He would've spent the rest of his life with Laira, with Garan and Elaya, but it would have been different. It would have been _safe!_

Never having to risk anything, never living on the edge, either physically or emotionally again. He'd taken it with a kind of peaceful resignation, the choice had been taken out of his hands anyway, and then, one static-filled radio call and his world had turned upside-down, bringing with it all the life and light, danger and exhilaration he'd lived with his whole life.

The trouble was, his mind and his heart hadn't told him which one they'd preferred until he'd seen Sam standing there, her namesake in her arms. And then the answer had slammed home like one of the firestorm meteors, and he was glad that Laira had chosen to stay behind. He wanted his life back, and everything that came with it. Including Sam.

If she would have him.

He sank his head into his hands, yeah, the danger was acceptable too, but did it have to kick in so soon? He looked up to find Daniel standing there, rocking slightly from heel to toe, a worried frown gracing the features behind his dust-smeared spectacles. 'How is she?' he asked.

'No idea, Frasier kicked me out. She seemed to have some idea though. Danny, what's goin' on? Has Sam been ill? She's thin, pale, passed out after one all-nighter-'

'One?' Daniel repeated with a bark of dry laughter that held no humour. 'Jack, she's been pulling all-nighters, two and three in a row since you went missing. She built a particle accelerator to dig a hole big enough for T'ealc to reintegrate in. Edora's 'Gate wasn't letting anything larger than a microbe reconstitute on the other side before Sam got to work. Janet's threatened to sedate her, she's had enforced work breaks, I've taken food to the lab everyday just because she wouldn't leave to eat...' he trailed off, catching the look on Jack's face. 'What?'

'Three months, Danny, it's been _three months!_ , and you let her _do_ that?'

'You let her face down Jonas Hansen,' Daniel replied, 'you let her take Cassandra down to the shelter when you knew Sam had already formed an attachment to the girl. Face it, Jack, we could either help her, or get out of her way, but Sam was building that particle accelerator whether we let her or not.'

'It took her three months?' Jack actually sounded suprised.

'Jesus Jack! She's not superwoman! Imagine building a Stargate from scratch with nothing but some sketches, ideas, pipe-dreams and the laws of physics to work with - then you'll have some idea what she was up against.'

O'Neill leaned back aginst the all, staring at him, 'why the hell would she try something like that?'

Daniel looked at him like he'd grown two heads, but stifled the obvious reply in favour of another, more pointed one. 'The question is Jack, why the hell would you blow her off for coming to your rescue. Didn't you want to come back?'

'No! I mean, yes, I did. But it's complicated, Danny.'

'Because of Laira?'

'No. Because of me.'

'Ah,' there didn't seem to be much more to say, and the answer confused Daniel enough that he didn't want to try pursuing the point. T'ealc arrived, informed them he had debriefed the General on their situation and joined them in their waiting. It was some time before Fraiser came out, her face grave. 'Colonel O'Neill? You're first.'

'Janet?' It was Daniel and she turned to find two pair of eyes watching her. 'Is Sam okay? Can we see her?'

'She's fine, for now, and no, you can't, she's sleeping. I'd like to keep her that way for a while.'

'Is _everything_ okay?' Daniel pushed, raising an eyebrow. Jack turned to look at him curiously, but Daniel kept his eyes on Frasier.

'For now. I can't guarantee it will stay that way though. I'll let you know when you can see her, if you come in and stay quiet you can check in on her before your post-mission check-up,' she added, relenting in the face of the worry that etched Daniel's features.

'Thank you, Doctor Frasier,' T'ealc inclined his head and they all followed her in, the Colonel and Frasier going in one direction, Daniel and T'ealc directed another.

'Can I see her, doc?' Jack asked, craning his neck to catch a glimpse of the blonde physicist, lying still and quiet on the infirmary bed.

'No,' Janet firmy led him towards the other side on the infirmary, 'you've been on-mission for over three months, Colonel, you need a thorough examination, blood tests and an EEG, and probably an x-ray on that knee. You'll be here a while and if you're co-operative, you may even get out of here tonight.'

'Peachy,' O'Neill replied dryly, but allowed her to lead him away, for once without protest.


	13. Chapter 13

Janet was as good as her word, she let him go a few hours later, with a warning to ease up on the leg, and a fresh pack of painkillers. He didn't leave the infirmary, stopping by Sam's bed first, out of sight of Fraiser, where he found Daniel sitting in a chair with a book open in his hands.

'Hey, Jack. Let you go, did she?'

'Finally,' O'Neill replied,' his eyes still on Sam, 'how is she?' he asked, his voice subdued.

Daniel shrugged, 'she hasn't stirred, but then none of the medics are panicking either. I'd say it all looks good.'

Jack nodded, not particularly keen on leaving. He finally turned his gaze on Daniel, occupying Jack's usual space by the bed of an injured team-mate. Hammond would be waiting to debrief him, he needed a shower, a change of clothes... but still his legs refused to move.

'The General'll want to see you, Jack, and you should get cleaned up, you look like hell,' Daniel spoke up, voicing his own silent thoughts.

'Yeah. I know.' He still didn't move.

'I'm not going anywhere, Jack,' the archeologist adjusted his spectacles, catching the Colonel's eye. Jack was looking in his direction, without appearing to actually see him. 'I'll stay here until you get back.'

'Uh-huh,' there was something else though and Jackson waited, giving him the time he needed to find his own words. 'Frasier says Sam's exhausted, she suffered some burns a couple of weeks ago, and was thrown through the 'Gate at a hell of a speed when the firestorm hit Edora...'

It was old news, but Daniel nodded, 'and?'

'There's somethin' Frasier's not telling me, isn't there?'

Daniel was silent for a moment, weighing up his options, really it came down to Sam and what she wanted, and at the moment, she was uncounscious and unable to speak for herself. In the meantime, Daniel wasn't sure he could, in all good conscience, speak for her. 'I think you should go get cleaned up, Jack,' he replied, instead.

The Colonel nodded, hands in pockets, he glanced over at Sam once more and walked away.

Cleaned and dressed in his BDUs after three months of Edoran clothing, he walked back through the SGC for Hammond's office, knocking at the open door before stepping inside. 'You wanted to see me, sir?'

'Jack,' Hammond indicated the chair opposite, 'have a seat son, this is going to take a while.'

It did. A full debrief, on both sides, of the past one hundred days wasn't over in a minute. It was nearly three hours before O'Neill found himself at liberty, with an enforced downtime of two weeks, effective immediately. The Colonel accepted it with a lot less fuss than Hammond expected, the man had been away for three months, he had expected more fight from O'Neill over how much leave he required, and when.

The expected session with MacKenzie had caused a bit of an issue, but active duty wasn't an option without it. Jack had capitulated, and finally left the office as Hammond sat back and started to contemplate the rather lengthy report that this whole mess was going to turn into. Not including the actual theory and practical application of the particle accelerator. He could see images of textbook thick reports coming from Carter's lab, but it would have to wait. Sam was nowhere near able to tie up her work. Not yet. He sighed, picking up the phone, intent on finding out from Fraiser Carter's exact condition.

Down in the infirmary, where the doctor was otherwise engaged, Jack walked stiffly towards the bed where Sam still slept. Daniel, as promised was there, book in hand as before. 'She woken up yet?'

Jackson shook his head, 'no. Janet doesn't expect her to for some hours yet. It's good. She needs it.'

Jack nodded, between Daniel and Hammond, he was realising the toll the last three months had taken on her. Without being asked, Daniel stretched, pushing himself out of the chair. 'Want some coffee?'

'Nah, I'm fine.'

'Okay. If Sam wakes up, tell her we'll drop by later.'

'We?'

'T'ealc and I. I'll swing by his quarters before I go home. I don't think Frasier's letting Sam out of here for a while though. How about you?'

'On leave. Fourteen days, official as of ten minutes ago. More or less.'

Jackson nodded. 'Good. Jack?'

The Colonel tore his eyes from Sam's face, turning to face him, 'yeah?'

'Welcome home.'

A smile, the first he'd seen on Jack's face since he'd arrived back at the SGC. 'Thanks Danny.'

Jackson left him to it, pulling the curtains back round the infirmary bed to keep out the noise and the draughts, heading for the mess hall. Jack moved the chair closer to the bed, taking a seat and stretching his leg out in front of him to ease the ache.

When she awoke. He would be right here.

She slept for ten hours altogether, her exhausted body drawing every ounce of advantage it could before she launched it into another round of work. When she opened her eyes, she found herself staring at an infirmary curtain, drawn around her cubicle. Nearby, arms loosely crossed, Jack O'Neill slept, slumped in a hard plastic chair and looked as if he'd been there for hours.

Unsure whether she wanted to talk to him right now, Sam looked around, feeling rested for the first time in weeks, although every muscle ached, and she was starving. Her mouth parched, she saw a waterjug nearby and gently wiggled her fingers loose from the Colonel's before pushing herself up, quietly, on the bed, stifling the impulse to groan aloud as her body protested.

Jack stirred, 'Sam?' He rubbed one hand over bloodshot eyes and sat up in the chair, 'you're awake.'

'Looks like,' she replied noncomittally, reaching out for the waterjug, but he forestalled her, pouring her a fresh cup and handing it over. 'Thanks,' came the reply, and she drank, sipping slowly to avoid the need for words.

Frankly, she wasn't sure she wanted to see, let alone talk to him. But he was here, and the sense that he had waited at her bedside until she awoke was comforting in a familiar way.

But part of her still wished it had been Daniel or T'ealc; she didn't have anything to hide from either of them.

Alerted by some sixth sense that her patient was awake, Frasier stepped through the curtain. 'Dr Carter, awake I see. Colonel, if you'll excuse us, I need to check over my patient.' Jack opened his mouth, looked as if he were about to object, then changed his mind and looked down at Sam.

'You'll be okay?'

She was tempted to ask him what the hell he cared about it, but instead she nodded, 'I'll be fine. Thank you, sir.'

 _Sir_. Jack winced internally and walked away, leaving them alone.

'How are you feeling, Sam?' Janet asked the question in a detached manner, checking over the machines monitoring Sam's condition.

'Not too bad. Tired still. Hungry. Janet-?'

Fraiser looked down, her face bright as she smiled, 'everything's fine, Sam. But that doesn't mean everything will _stay_ that way. You need plenty of rest, I want you in here for regular check-ups and you're under observation until tomorrow morning.'

'Anything you say, Janet.'

'I _mean_ this, Sam,' the doctor replied, her tone serious, 'things could still go badly wrong. Everything I say, I need you to do. If all goes well for the next few weeks, you can get back to your lab, but on a severely reduced workload for the remainder of your pregnancy.'

Sam bit her lip, contemplating six months of carefully controlled lab hours. But if she didn't acqueise, Jane would most likely ban her entirely from the SGC. Contemplating her options, she nodded. 'Okay.'

'Good. Shall I let the Colonel back in now?'

Sam hesitated.

'You don't have to speak to him, Sam, but it might be easier if you do here and now rather than put it off. Just don't get too stressed. I won't be far away if you need me and I'll kick him out soon anyway, visiting hours are nearly over,' she added with a sly smile.

Sam gave in and nodded. 'Oay, kiddo, I'll tell him you're ready to see him.'

She disappeared, and the Colonel returned a few moments later, an uneasy grin gracing his features. 'So, the doc keeping you in?'

'Yes, sir.'

That _sir_ again, he'd have to talk her out of that. He tucked his hands in his pockets, rocking slightly on his heels. 'What did ol' doc Fraiser say, anyway, _Sam_?'

'Rest, mainly, take it easy. How about you?'

At least there wasn't a _sir_ in that sentence. 'Fine. Leg's playin' up, but other than that, I'm free to go. Hammond's put me on downtime.' He decided to quit beating around the bush, 'I hear you've been busy.'

'Never leave a man behind, sir.'

'Carter,' his voice held a note of warning, 'you're a civvie now. You don't need to call me 'sir'. Daniel doesn't.'

'Old boots, remember?'

He smiled then, raising an eyebrow as he remembered that night. 'Yeah, I remember. I've got a couple of weeks before I'm back here on duty, I thought we could go for dinner. Danny said you haven't been eating right, I think a couple of O'Malleys steaks could go a long way to getting you back on track. We could grab the guys, get some beers. Milk for Daniel.'

She laughed, just a little, but she couldn't help it. Daniel was a lightweight. The Colonel's grin grew broad, some of the tension he'd felt easing. It seemed the right moment to turn the conversation back to where he wanted it to be. 'Sam?'

A little startled, the smile dropped. 'Yes?'

'I haven't thanked you yet, for doing everything you did to bring me home,' he felt a little awkward. Sam deserved the thanks, and far more accolade than he could give her, but at the moment, it was all he had to offer.

A moment's hesitation, but Janet had been right, and Sam needed to know. Before she could stop herself, she asked the question, 'I would've thought you'd be cursing my name. You seemed fairly well settled there.'

 _Laira_. Neither of them spoke her name, but both of them knew to what, to _whom_ she was referring.

'Yeah, I, uh, I was a bit of a pain in the ass, I guess. After I realised I'd never be able to raise the 'Gate, I figured the SGC would have to declare me K.I.A. The idea of a new life on Edora wasn't exactly what I would have picked, but the thought was starting to grow on me.'

'It was?'

'Yeah. I spent a lot of time with Laira, thought I might eventually accept that Earth was lost and actually build a life for myself there.'

'And?' her voice was soft, neutral. Sam was playing it close to her chest. As always.

'I was kidding myself. The moment I heard T'ealc on the radio, I couldn't get to the 'Gate site fast enough.'

'And Laira didn't want to come with you?'

 _Shit_.Sam had evidently heard the words he'd spoken. It had felt... moral. The right thing to do, even if it wasn't the right thing for him. 'Laira put up with a lot, Sam, including me walking out, leaving her standing there after I kissed her and called her by someone else's name,' he didn't look at her, just spoke the words, hoping she would understand. 'It was the right thing to do - it wasn't what I wanted, but it was the right thing to do. I knew she wouldn't accept, she already knew I wanted to come back home.'

'Did you, Jack?'

He grinned down at her, hands back in his pockets, 'oh yeah, don't want to be _anywhere_ else. Get some rest, okay?'

'Sure,' and that smile again, not the gigawatt one, but it was sincere. Turning, he left her to sleep. It wasn't much, but it was a start.


	14. Chapter 14

'Morning Sam. How have you been?' O'Neill walked into the infirmary, his usual jaunty self, dressed in jeans and tshirt.

The blonde glanced up, she was sitting on the infirmary bed, legs swinging over the edge, waiting for her lift. She had a pair of joggers on, a tshirt and a pair of old sneakers resting on a bag slung by the bed. Daniel had been in earlier and packed up a few things for her to take home, including her laptop. She might have to spend a fair amount of time taking it easy, but it would give her leisure to go over the accelerator plans properly and start drafting her report.

Part of her was looking forward to it.

She looked past the Colonel, wondering if Daniel were following on behind him. O'Neill stopped, turned, looked behind him and back to her with a puzzled frown. 'Hel-lo?' he queried, waving one hand in front of her face.

'Sorry, sir. I thought Daniel was going to give me a lift home.'

'Ah yes, change of plans. I'm taking you home. I have all doc's orders and we'll stop by the store on the way, get some supplies. I've been told take-out pizza every night isn't an acceptable diet plan,' he added, looked a little disconcerted by that concept.

Sam grinned, she couldn't help it. 'No, sir, it's not.'

'Uh, uh, uh. _Jack_ , Sam, don't forget. You'll get some strange looks if we wander round the store and you keep calling me, _sir_. You ready to go?'

 _Not with you, but I guess I don't get a choice._ She could've said no, called a cab, but then he'd wonder what was up, and she wasn't prepared to talk about it. Nearly. But not quite. 'Sure.'

She pulled on her sneakers, and eased off the bed. He watched with a slight frown, clearing before she looked his way and caught her bag up in one hand before she could lift it. It was tempting to argue, but she had made a promise and she was determined to keep it, so she kept quiet and they made their way to the surface in silence.

A handful of shoppers bustled around the store, and O'Neill could see that Sam was already tired before they made it halfway round. She had gone straight for the microwave meals and the tinned soup, and the Colonel watched with a raised eyebrow until she turned to him in exasperation. 'What?'

'Sam, take-out pizza's better than that stuff. C'mon,' he led her away, heading for the fresh fruits and vegetables, before picking up chicken, beef and a variety of juices. 'Sir, I'm not feeding an army!'

'A lot of this'll keep Sam, you've got a fridge, right?'

'Yeah.'

'Well, you need to stay off your feet so you won't be shopping for a few days at least, not without help.'

'But I-'

'-don't cook. Yeah, I know.'

'You know?'

'Actually _we_ know. Remember that time you tried to cook jambalaya for the team?'

'You guys said you liked it.'

'It sucked Sam, you're a terrible cook. But that's okay, because you can build particle accelerators and I'm a diva in the kitchen.'

'So, you're planning on cooking for me?'

'When Daniel's not, yeah. He's almost as good as me. T'ealc can't cook, he tends to throw meat in fire and call it done,' she opened her mouth to object but Jack waved a finger at her, 'uh-uh. Doc's orders. Janet'll skin my hide if I left you to fend for yourself, and I'd finish the job for her.' Sam didn't say anymore, leaving him to pick out the rest of the shopping. It wasn't like SG-1 hadn't done this for each other before. They took a shortcut down the baby aisle, cutting across the store to the checkouts and Sam glanced around at the wide array of products, with several varieties of each type available.

Kids were born with a manual, right? Hell, she had engineered Earth's 'Gate dialling system and built a particle accelerator, and Janet managed with Cassie. Most of these products had age ranges on, weights and things. As long as she knew that, she should be fine. She looked round at the Colonel, heading up the aisle, his back to her. He had done this all before, but the thought of reminding him of Charlie, of what he'd had, and lost, wasn't a pleasant one.

Nor was the idea of telling him in the first place. Even discounting what it would do to him, she wasn't sure how the hell _she_ was going to handle it. 'Sam?' He looked round, wondering where she was and found herself half a dozen paces behind, 'tired?' he asked, assuming that was the reason she had lagged behind. 'C'mon,' he grabbed her hand, pulled her close and slid an arm around her waist, giving her the option of leaning on him. 'We're nearly done.'

She almost pulled away, but he was partly right, she was shattered, and she took advantage, leaning into him and letting him take the burden for a few moments until they reached the checkout. He let her go, packing the groceries and paying for them whilst she leaned against the counter and considered the likliehood of getting to sit on the floor right under her feet for twenty minutes or so before she had to move again.

But the effort of having to get back up seemed too great. She abandoned the idea and followed him out to the car.

At leat he'd be gone soon, and she'd be alone, on her own territory and could think things through. For now, she simply took his help for what she assumed it was, one team-mate helping another, it wasn't the first time they'd helped each other recuperate and it probably wouldn't be the last.

Unless she never went offworld again. The thought startled her and a wave of dismay washed over her at the prospect. On the other hand, losing her mother had been hard on the young Sam Carter- she wasn't sure was willing to risk putting her own child through that.

So many variables to consider. She felt tired just thinking about it.

At her house, he made her sit, going through to the kitchen to unpack. Sam curled up on the chair, flicked through until she hit a nature channel, where primates sat in a lake of hot water, warming themselves and their offspring through the long winter months. The presenter's voice was a soothing, familiar babble and she let it wash over her, not realising she had fallen asleep until O'Neil woke her up.

'Hey, Sam?'

'Hmmm, yeah?' She sat up, stretched and he nudged the tray he'd placed on the table a little closer. It held a bowl of hot soup, some toast and a glass of juice.

'Eat up,' he said, dumping a pile of mail next to it, and sitting on the sofa beside her. He had a plate piled with sandwiches and the distinct smell of bacon rose from it. 'There's a chicken roasting in the oven, it'll take a few hours, but this should take the edge off.' It did. Sam hadn't realised how hungry she was, and Jack raised an eyebrow as she carefully cleaned off everything he'd given her before picking out a couple of physics journals from her pile of mail and started flicking through. 'You really were hungry, first time I think food has ever come before work with you.'

'I was starving,' Sam admitted, sinking back in the chair with a contented sigh. 'Thanks.'

'Welcome,' he paused, looking as if he were about to same something, but changed his mind. 'Coffee?'

She nodded, and he collected the plates, heading towards the kitchen before she stopped him. 'No. Uh, no, no coffee. Could I have another juice?'

He looked puzzled, but he nodded, 'yeah, sure.'

Returning a little while later, he slid a glass and a coffee mug onto the low table, reclaiming his old seat. 'Sam?'

'Hmm?' her eyes still on the journal.

'Do you regret what happened between us?'

She was still looking at the journal, but no longer reading. Slowly she closed it, shifting around in the seat to face him, tucking her legs under her. 'Do you?'she asked carefully. She could have deflected him, claimed she was too tired to talk, but he knew her better than that. Deflection would have led to questions.

'No.' The reply was sure and swift, as if it had never even been a question in his mind. 'You?'

'Not until I saw you with Laira.'

Jack winced, he should've seen that one coming. 'I deserved that,' he replied calmly. 'But I meant what I said, Sam, I wanted to come home. I _want_ to be here. Nothing happened between me and Laira.'

'But it would have.'

'Maybe. Eventually. But she's not you Sam, and Edora isn't Earth. My life isn't there, just a life I was prepare to accept as the short end of the stick. I could explain it more if I really understood myself.' She nodded, seeming to understand, or perhaps she didn't. Either way, she accepted that he could barely explain to himself, let alone to her. 'So,' he went on, 'do you?'

'Regret it? No. Especially not now.'

He shook his head slightly, 'I don't get it. What d'you mean?'

Sam took a breath, bit her lip and eyed him with a nervousness he rarely saw. Whatever it was, it wasn't good. For her part, Sam wasn't sure she was prepared to answer that question, but no matter what had happened between them, he still had the right to know- he was a good man with kids, he'd probably been a great father, and he would help her, she knew that with unshakeable certainty. He would help her through this, and she wouldn't have to do it alone, even if nothing ever happened between them again.

'I'm pregnant, Jack,' she let out the breath she'd been holding, nodding slightly to herself, 'I'm pregnant.'


	15. Chapter 15

It was a relief to say it, but seconds ticked by without a reply and Sam waited, aware that the bombshell she had just dropped on him was bigger than the shock he'd had when he'd heard T'ealc voice on that radio. Jack stared at her, stunned momentarily. He stood, suddenly restless and paced the floor. It was a couple of minutes before he spoke.

'You're sure?' His voice was tentative, like he was afraid to ask.

Sam nodded, 'very sure. Janet's already done a scan. Two actually.'

'Scan? How far- Dumb question.' It was. He knew exactly how far along she was, he'd been on Edora the whole time whilst Sam had been here, working herself to death in the SGC. That thought struck him hard. 'Christ, Sam! And you _still_ pulled stupid shifts to get my worthless ass home? Was it worth putting the baby at risk for!'

The sudden anger in his voice shocked her, but she stared back at him, not backing down.

'Yes,' her answer was as sure and steady as his had been a few moments ago. 'I made a promise, Jack, and then- I won't lie, and say that finding out I was pregnant didn't affect how much I wanted you home, but baby or no, I would've built that accelerator either way.'

'But you worked yourself into the ground, is everything okay? Frasier didn't want to keep you under observation?' The words tumbled out as he laid on hand gently over her abdomen, leaning down slightly, 'hey, kiddo, everything okay in there?' It made her laugh, but behind his own smile lay a world of worry. Sam reached out, wrapping her arms around his neck and pulled him close, revelling in the feel of him as his hands slid around her back.

'Everything's fine, Jack. Janet said it was a close call when you brought me back through the 'Gate. But I swore that as soon as we got you home, I'd pay back the long hours and give this baby everything it needs. I'm on two weeks downtime, Janet's severly restricted my working hours. We'll be fine Jack, I promise.'

He drew away then, fixing her with a fierce stare that for a moment, she wondered if she'd said something wrong. But he bent his head and kissed her, her mouth opening under his as she fitted herself to the curve of his body. His scent wrapped around her, firing the same desire that had made her forget all caution the first time around. Distantly she heard him groan, and not in the way she expected. The next moment, he was untangling her arms from his neck, and pushing her gently back into the cushions on the sofa.

'Don't Sam, we can't. At least, not without the doc's go ahead.'

'You want me to ask Janet for _permission?_ ' Her voice held a note of incredulity.

'Yes.'

'You're not kidding.'

'No. We've already managed to put your body through enough, Sam. As much as I want this, and I do- I'd never forgive myself.' Sam nodded, she understood, she just didn't have to like it. Jack looked at her for a moment, before kicking off his shoes and leaning back, holding out one arm. 'C'mere.'

Sam complied, lying down full length on the sofa, one leg slung over his, her head resting on his chest. Wrapping both arms around her shoulders, he held her close until sleep came and claimed her. She didn't know how long she slept, but it was dark by the time she awoke and she was alone, the throw blanket tucked around her and a pillow, from her bed no less, stuffed under her head. She was surprised he'd managed to maneuvre so well without waking her.

Noise filtered through from the kitchen, Jack's voice, talking to... someone, and the quiet clatter of dishes and pans. Sam rose, wrapping the blanket around her shoulders and padded through in socked feet. In the kitchen, Jack was slicing up a chicken, the phone tucked under one ear and the conversation he was having made it clear he was talking either to Daniel, or Janet.

'Yes... No. She's sleeping. Will you quit worrying? I am. Yes, she's fine. Coupla days at least. Not sure. I'll let you know. Yeah, take it easy, Danny. Bye.' He hung up as Sam appeared silently in the doorway. 'Hey, sleepyhead, just in time. Take a seat,' he nodded to the dining room table just beyond the kitchen area. Sam's place was open-plan. She tucked herself into a chair where a glass of juice already stood. The places were already laid and he came through a moment later with a bowl of greens, another of potatoes and a platter of chicken.

'Looks great. Thanks,' she looked and up and grinned. There it was - the gigawatt smile.

They ate in relative quiet, exchanging few words. He cleared away afterwards, wrapping the cold food and putting it in the fridge. Back on the sofa, Sam crawled into his arms again and allowed the movie he'd found to wash over her until sleep came again. At some point, he lifted and moved her, but she barely noticed, and the next time she awoke, it was in her own bed, still fully dressed with one unconscious Jack O'Neill at her back. He had his arm wrapped around her, one hand laid protectively over the slight rise of her abdomen. She shifted slightly and heard him mutter, _shh, Sam, it's ok_ , before he sank back into sleep.

She lay awake, considering the new dynamics of her situation. She didn't doubt that Jack was sincere, that he didn't regret the night they spent together, that the idea of losing the baby obviously affected him deeply and that he wanted to be here, with her, were all things she accepted as true. What she didn't know was if he really wanted to be a father again, or if he even loved her. He cared, she knew that, you couldn't work alongside someone for so long without them becoming a habit, imprinting themselves on you. It ran deeper than that, she knew, but just how deep, she didn't know.

For now though, she was content to let things be and see how events unfolded, if nothing else, a few days around him should give her a better insight into the man, Jack O'Neill, rather than the soldier she had known for so long. Closing her eyes, she followed him into dreams.

Jack had woken at a little gone midnight, the movie had finished and Sam had fallen asleep again, a warm heavy weight half-sprawled on him, half on the sofa. He smiled, dropping his head back on the sofa-arm and allowing himself a few minutes to luxuriate in comfortable silence. Soon though, common sense began to assert itself, and he wriggled out from underneath, securing the house before hoisting her in his arms and carrying her down the hall to the bedroom.

She half-awoke, murmuring disconsolantly when he laid her down and drew away. For a moment he considered the implications, but she was still dressed, and he stripped down to his shorts and tshirt before crawling in beside her and pulling her into the curve of his body. Her hair still smelt of the dust from Edora, she'd probably be in the shower first thing in the morning, scrubbing the grime out of her hair. Sam didn't mind getting mucky offworld, largely ignoring water, mud and dirt on-mission. When on-base, she headed directly for the locker rooms. She didn't primp, but she didn't apprecate the dirt either.

He tucked one arm under her head, the other hand finding it's way down to the place where their child lay. He bent his head, breathing in her scent and laid his head back down, holding her as close as he could without hurting her. He had walked back through that Stargate intent on finding out if there was any way Sam would have him in her life, and now, within forty-eight hours, he was here. With her.

Sam wanted this child, he knew that. She didn't regret that night, and she obviously didn't mind him being here with her now. What he didn't know, was if she loved him. That he loved her, heart-wrenchingly so, he thought was clear. That something deeper than simply a child and shared experience bound them together was also clear. They had time. He could wait a little longer.

He lay for sometime, just holding her, before he too, fell asleep. He'd have to find a way to thank Laira, for making him realise - this was where he wanted to be all along.


End file.
